Sunday, June 27, 2010

Parents from different countries

I had a different childhood than most children. It wasn’t the easiest of situations at times. My dad is American and my mom is from New Zealand. My Parents met in New Zealand in 1986, one year prior to my arrival in this world. They fell in love, however my father went back to America and my mother stayed in New Zealand. My mother learned three months later, after my father returned to America, that she was pregnant with me. My mother packed her things and moved to the Seattle, Washington in the United States. I was born January 29, 1987 in Seattle, Washington. Five years after I was born, at the age of five, my parents divorced.  My mother lived in the United States until I was eleven years old, and then returned home to New Zealand to help her own mother go through some life changes. My mom was in and out of my life unitl I reached the age of eighteen. Life was tough for me as a teenager not to have my mother in my life.

When my mother returned to New Zealand, my father took care of me fulltime. It was hard for my dad, for he was young and still figuring out his life as well as dealing with raising me alone. My dad and I grew close, and developed a strong daughter and dad relationship. After my mother and my father divorced, my dad starting pursuing his career in real estate. He attended real estate school and earned his real estate license. He went to work for his dad, my grandpa, and learned the ropes of the family real estate business that my grandpa had started. My dad struggled,like any other parent, coping with kids and working full time. My dad was still the parent that never missed a sporting event, or school function, or school dances. He taught me to be who I am today, and continued to push me to be better. I t was hard cope some of the times without my mother present. There were certain things that a young teenage girl needed her mother for that I missed out on. I learned to talk to my dad about the things a normal teenager would converse with their mother. Although, there were times where I really missed my mother, I’m fortunate to have had a closer relationship with my dad, then what most girls had with their dad’s.

My mother was a great mom in my first five years of life on this world. I learned to read at a young age, due to my mom reading to me as early as six months old. She taught me walk, crawl, eat and talk. When I was little, Seasme Street was my favorite along with the Little Mermaid. My mom and I would watch the same shows over and over again together. We kept in contact by email, phone and mail. Whenever my my mom called, eveything that I was doing would stop to talk to her. My mom came to visit me two times, since she moved back home to New Zealand. I will never forgot that day. When I was in junior high I rode my bike to school everyday. I was about thirteen when my mom came to visit the first time. I never rode my bike home that fast before in my life. Once I saw my mom, waiting for me at the door step, I jumped off my bike and ran to her without hitting the brakes on my bike. Finally I was in her arms again. It had been a long four years since I got to see her face and receive a hug from her. I was so glad to see her, and remember just crying and smiling non-stop for the rest of the evening.

Not every visit, phone call, email or piece of mail was as exciting, or as fun as I have described earlier. Unfortunatley my parents didn’t get along, nor did they want to be in the same room as eachother after the divorce. This made it even more difficult for me growing up. Whenever my mom would call, my dad would get upset or he would make me feel guilty for wanting to speak to her. My dad told me my whole life, that my mom was a horrible mother and that she did nothing for me, but lie and disappoint me. He would also show me court papers that my mom had filed of abandoment. It was difficult to love my mother and show my dad respect at the same time when I wanted to speak to her. Several years passed of communicating with my mom through email and by phone. When I was fourteen, she moved back to the United States again. This time I though for sure it was going to be for good, but I was wrong. My realtionship with my mother was blocked by another brick wall. In the fall of October 2003 my mother was diganoised with a brian tumor, and was told she had three months to live. It was the most heart breaking thing I had heard in my life. I was just getting to know my mom once more and now she was going to be taken from me. I remember feeling, this could not be happening to me. I had to face reality, for it was happening. At the end of October 2003, my mom went in her first treatment of Gamma Knife Radiation. At this point my mom was fighting for her life, and the doctors had no idea that this procedure was going to even work. It was a tough and long day for my mom, but she was strong and went through the procedure . Being that my mom’s is as strong as she is, she pulled through and now has been living with the tumor for the last five years. She has stunned many dcotors, for none of them never thought she would still be here to this day. Soon after the treatment, my mom decided to move back home once again to be closer to her family, while she was recovering. Once again my mom was gone again from my life. Although, she has beaten the tumor and ultimatley in my eyes she has beaten death, the tumor still has taken a tole on my mom’s life. She still seizures from time to time and has other problems that she faces on a day to day basis. She has learned to cope with her condition, and has many things to look forward too.

In Novemer 2007, my mom learned that I was pregnant with her first grandchild. Now with her grandchild on the way, my mom and I developed an even closer relationship than we have before. My mom had another sense to keep on living through her condition, not just for me, but a new life on the way. On July 25, 2008, my daughter Mackenna Jane was born, and my mom flew back from New Zealand to meet her new grandchild. After a month my mom returned home to New Zealand, and had a tough time being away from me and her new grandchild. She called one day, and told me that she was packing up and moving back to the United States. She has been here for the last siz months, and it has been great having her close again. Especially, to have her help me with my daughter. In all that I have learned in my life, and would never of thought I would have the relationship I have now with my mother. I get to see her everyday and she is here for me now. No matter the pain I felt when I was younger, when she wasn’t aroundn, it is much worth it now to have her be close to me once again.

1 comment:

  1. So glad you now have a close relationship with your mom now! What a great feeling to have her living so close :)