Men who pee on the floor

I'm warning you... this is a rant. But.. you might feel the same way. 

I can't tell you how sick I am of cleaning pee of the toilet and floor. You would think after 28 years my other half could point, shoot and aim. I'm I wrong about this?

I nag and complain about it, but then it ends in a stupid comment from the other end and then I get pissed and walk away sometimes laughing on how stupid it is we are arguing over pee pee on the floor. 

What do you other woman do about this? Or is your other halves better trained?

I might have to make him sit down on the toilet if no improvement has been made. The one thing that get's me is that they can find a tinier hole at any hour of the day, moon or shine, but yet the huge porcelain bowl is unattainable for them to hit. 

Why can't men just look themselves

I just walk in the door and I'm going through mail, looking at the disaster of a mess Ian and Mackenna have mustered themselves to create in the the hour they have been together before I get home and questions start flying... 

Ian: "Have you seen the T.V. Remote?"

Me: I instantly say "No!" , "I just got home!"

Ian: "You had it last this morning I'm sure."

Me: "It's not my fault you are a man and don't know how to Farking look for anything on your own." 

** He looks around **

I pause for a minute and then get irritated....

Me: "It's on the freaking table in front the TV, it's good thing you were looking hard, I hope you didn't break a sweat."

This happens all the time in our house. I think someone seriously screwed up when creating man and their inability to find or search for things. I mean us woman we find everything not because we are freaks of nature and we know everything, we actually look. Maybe if men tried this they could find their own shit. I mean why do I always have to find your crap for you all the time. Now, he just asks me without looking because he knows that I will find it. Which is awesome for me.. not! 

What would men do without us? I mean seriously.