A Letter to Ian

Ian,

When we met a little over 4 years ago, I would have never thought we would be where we are today. It was December some time and you sent me a Myspace comment saying Hi, Blah, Blah! I don't remember responding back, but waiting it out. Then I returned from Seattle for Christmas and a couple of days went by. One night you instant messaged me and I remember thinking great an internet creep and turns out we knew some mutual people. A couple of weeks went by and I got a phone call from you during the most hectic nights of when my aunt was in the hospital. A couple of weeks went by and we went on our first date. Our first date was January 12th, 2006 right before my 19th birthday. I learned how to drive 40 MPH up snowy driveways in Tahoe Donner. You showed me lots of Truckee and I didn't know. 

This was our first picture together. haha!

By April 2006, we moved in together to Reno. This year we had a lot of fun. You took me to my first Tool concert, I went to the Washington Rock Slides for the first time. You introduced me to Autumn and Tyson, I didn't know it then, but Autumn and I would become really good friends. We lived in Reno for a year and made the commute to Truckee everyday. I'm sorry, but I made you move. (little did you know it would be several times after that). We made the move to Truckee in May 2007 to Glenshire. It was good to be living back in Truckee and making short minutes commute to work. I went on my first booze cruise with you that summer despite my fear of rivers and I had a lot of fun. 

August 2007, things started to get a little weird and I was scared, and frightened of the commitments we had. I started to pull away, and become distant and non communicative with you. I decided that I wanted to move out. I moved out by the end of the August with a friend in Kings Beach. Little did I know what I was actually doing or what the repercussions on my decisions were. After a couple of weeks I reached back out to you and decided that I didn't want you out of my life. Even though, we were separated for a few weeks I knew that I wanted to be back to the way things were. I broke my own heart, and left you to be with someone else. After I composed a letter to you and broke it up into 14 text messages. I got one reply from you I agree and feel the same. (After 14 texts I still only get 4 words from you). You aren't a texter at all. We hung out on and off for the month of September of 2007 and decided to go on a trip to the California Coast in October.

We had a great time in Morro Bay, Cayucos, San Luis Obispo Big Sur. I've never been to the California Coast and you showed me all of your favorite spots. Wine on the beach, driving through the trees and telling me inbred people are going to get me. It was dark and I remember watching the hills have eyes recently before the trip and thought they were in the trees. 

Us in Morro Bay

November 2007, we learned the biggest news of our lives that I was pregnant and we were going to be having a baby in July 2008. We moved back in together by December and spent the next 9 months preparing for baby's arrival.

July 25th, 2008 Mackenna Jane Wright was born @ 4:33am and weighed 9lbs and 21 1/2 inches. You may have almost fainted twice during the epidural and the start of Mackenna's arrival, but you made it. After a long 23 hours of labor, we finally had Mackenna. You got to hold Mackenna first and then me. It was the craziest and longest day of our lives. 

The first year was fun as we discovered to be parents and learned along the way. We got into some arguments and were stressed and tired but we made it through. I went back to school when Mackenna was 6 months old on top of back to work full time when Mackenna was 3 months old. You were a help with Mackenna and taking care of the homestead while I was in school. It was tough going back to school and waking in the middle of the night for Mackenna's feeding. We traded off and nights and it seemed to work. 

Before we knew it was Mackenna's 1st Birthday. We invited all of our friends and family and had a great time at our house. We went to Toys R Us to go shopping for her birthday and went crazy. You even had a lot of fun picking out stuff. 

Now, another year has passed since her 1st birthday and our little girl will be 2 years old this month. You are a great daddy to her and I love you so much. It has been a fun and exciting 4 years with you and I can't wait to see what our future is like. (I'm sure our parents would be like us to be married someday ha! )

Us in Big Sur

The Cancer Fight... Thankful Thursday

Back in November 2009, my mom found out that she had cervical cancer and a tumor in her uterus. She went in for her yearly exam (you know the awesome girly doc) and the Dr. could tell there was instantly something wrong and could see the tumor. It was pretty upsetting for my mom for this was the 2nd time she has had cancer. She was exactly around her 5th birthday in November 2009, from the first time she was told she had a cancerous brain tumor in October 2004. 

Back in 2003, I was a junior in high school. Back then my mom was horrible and telling me if anything was wrong with her. She never wanted to worry my sister and I. Although, I remember the day when I was told that my mom would have 3 or so months to live. Super harsh and sad right!?! Well this is exactly what the doctor's told my mom in Seattle, Washington @ harbor view hospital. I will never forget how I felt. My mom is going to die. I also, felt a huge responsibility coming on my shoulders of caring for and looking after my brother. I was the oldest and it was my job. My mom then learned that where the brain tumor was located it was not operational. It was located in spot in her brian that could leave my mom a vegetable. When all hope was lost the Dr. mentioned a treatment called Gama Knife Radiation. Where they do several rays of radiation on your head hitting the tumor at all angles with a halo bolted to your head. This seemed pretty scary and ummm i dunno it would hurt :) My mom ended doing the treatment and she had multiple seizures and other motor skill problems over the last 5 years since her treatment. Since that day, it has been 5 years and no my mom didn't die in 3 months. 

Just when something so amazing like my mom beating cancer the first time 5 years ago I go another call a little over 6 months ago that my mom has cervical cancer and a tumor in her uterus. Oh, boy here we go again. This time around was so much more different. I was way more sad and frightened because it was the second time and you think there is no way this battle can be won again. 

The Dr's told my mom at one point that she can have surgery and have a hysterectomy and everything will be removed. Doesn't sound that bad huh! However, due to my mom's stage in the cancer and the tumor if they where to remove everything and leave on cell behind they would not be able to go back in and get it. Kinda scarey. The Dr. told my mom that chemo and radiation had the same success rate as the surgery. So after 2 or so months my mom started chemo and radiation for the next 9 weeks or so. She would do Chemo one day of the week and radiation the same week on a different day. After, 9 weeks she did a few weeks of internal radiation and this was suppose to finish the job. 

It's been around 2 months since her last radiation treatment and it's still yet to be known if the cancer cells are completely gone.  However, the tumor has dramatically decreased in size. Whenever I learn that my friends know of someone that has had cancer or lost a battle to cancer I know how they feel. It is a scary ride and its so unpredictable and things can change and progress so fast. I've lost an uncle so far to pancreatic cancer in the last year or so. We weren't that close by any means, but its still tough to see a family member go so suddenly and quickly. My mom has gotten a 3rd chance at life with beating cancer the 2nd time. 

I'm Thankful My Mom is Still Alive.

29. My mom's life and located in the same country as me.

30. diet coke :)

31. Friends and Family and their support

32. Good Doctor's

33. Ian's love and support and understanding in the last 6 months with

my mom's cancer battle.

34. Sunshine 

35. Longer days with light

36. night's out with my friends

37. Happy Birthday to My Sister Toni Today! She is 22!

What are you thankful for this week.
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Home Tour Tuesday

So I see a lot of people posts photos of their houses and what us mom's live and work with on a daily basis. I moved into our new house about a month ago. It's pretty much put together, but there are some things that aren't unpacked yet. I've been intimidated to upload photos of my house, because everyone's houses seem to be so well organized and well decorated. Anyway, I'm going to share anyway so all my followers can see my house and give me some pointers and ideas for my house. 

Living Room/Dinning

Front Yard

Kitchen 

Living Room

Mackenn'a Bathroom

Guest Room/Office/Sewing Scrapbooking Room

(Sorry For the mess) This room I still need to figure out what I'm doing in here.

Another angle of the Guest Room/Office/ Scrap Booking area

Hallway

My Bedroom :)

Opps I need to Finish laundry

Entry way and Front Door

Kitchen (Full View)

Mackenna's Room

This is what a 2 year old's Room looks like. It's impossible

to keep clean. Mackenna is actually is taking a nap in crib while I was taking photos :)

Thanks for taking the Tour. Sorry for some of the messes. 

The Day I Found Out.... November 19, 2007

I was inspired to right my story of the day I found out I was pregnant after reading Alisha's story on the Tarr Pitt Blog. Check her out she has some good stuff and stories.

It was a Sunday afternoon and my period was always on time to the date. I didn't think for one moment that I was pregnant, I thought it was the stress of life, work and school. We were spending the day with Ian's parents and were about to head to breakfast. I thought why the heck not to rule it out, I had no thought in my mind that I was pregnant, but I took a test just in case. I sat there in the bathroom after I peed on that silly stick just thinking holy crap what if I was PREGNANT! I waited and waited. It felt as if it was hours before it finally started  to reveal the results. I looked at it and was OMG I can't tell. It was hard to tell if it was a plus or a minus, so I let it go and headed out to breakfast. We eat breakfast and I come back and say well I better take one more just be sure. I took another test that actually says Pregnant and Not Pregnant, Just to be sure! So, I waited and waited and it finally showed up PREGNANT!

 I was in such shock that I didn't believe it. I came downstairs and gave Ian a look and he knew. I didn't have to say anything and he already knew I was pregnant. I kept thinking to myself.... I don't want to make that phone call and tell my dad. It didn't seem real and I wasn't even sure still if I was 100% Pregnant. Ian and I were in such shock that we got in the car and went for a drive. I then started to freak out and cry a little. We get back to Ian's parents house and as we were eating dinner Ian just came out and said, "Welp you are going to be grandparents again!" Ian's dad dropped his fork for his mouth with food on it and hit his plate. It was super overwhelming and I still didn't really have any emotions towards it.

I couldn't get the courage up, so I called my mom first. I just said Mum you are going to be a Grandma. She took it pretty well and was excited. I then called My Grandma (MorMor) and told her. Then it was time to call my Dad. I didn't really have any emotions until I called my dad and then that's when it hit me and I started crying on the phone with my dad. Instead of crying or happiness, and excitement, I felt ashamed. I felt like I let my Dad down. It was a very weird feeling. I was 20 years old in the middle of my bachelors degree and here I am pregnant. On the bright side I had and still have a very good job, so in all we were ok financially to have a child.

On Monday I called the doctor to set up an appointment to confirm that the two tests were accurate. It didn't really hit me until I was in the doctor's office that I was pregnant and saw the flicker on the screen. I pretty much broke down again and cried.

The next day I told my friend at work Kelli that I was pregnant and then not long after everyone knew that I was pregnant. It was hard, I was only 20 years old and felt as if I cheated myself out of my life and my future. It took me a long time to get to the point to where I accepted it and I was excited.

Now, we have Mackenna Jane Wright. She was born July 25th, 2008 at 4:33am.

 She was a large one weighing in at 9lbs even and 22 1/2 inches tall. I L.O.V.E being a mom and I love her more than anything. We  all have are regrets, but I don't regret her one bit. She brings light to my life. When you are down and out, tired, depressed she lift's me up just with her life and her smile.